This quote really spoke to me: "You were not your parents' trigger. Unresolved trauma was."
"It was normal to think as little kids that our actions and behaviors set our parents off. After all they told us that’s what it was, and we believed them.
“Why can’t you just listen?”.
“Is it really hard to understand what I’m telling you to do?”.
And to be honest our parents believed we were the cause of their frustration, that if we only did things as asked, then life would be easier.
But none of that is true. What set our parent’s off was that they did not know how to teach us. That in their own childhood, their parents didn’t know how to teach them.
So when they said “move faster”, what they meant was “I learned you had to move faster” or “I wasn’t allowed to take my time”.
When they said “stay quiet”, what they meant was “my voice could not be heard when I was your age” or “I was taught kids were an inconvenience”.
When they said “why can’t you just listen?”, what they meant was “my parents never could understand me” or “why didn’t I listen?”.
And when they said “is it really hard to understand what I’m telling you?” they really meant “please understand, I don’t know any other way to teach you this” or “if you don’t understand, it means I’m a bad parent, just like my parents”.
These are just some examples of how really what is triggered is deeper than what a child can cause.
And I had a thought, what if I was the end of that spiral? What if I could notice the anger and try to figure out the real trigger. And instead of "hushing" I could let my kids express themselves and lift them above? 💛